If you've spent anytime at HOT 104 over the years, by now you know (as if my name didn't speak for itself) I like to smoke marijuana. Before you get all self-righteous, let me make two things perfectly clear:
1. I'm grown.
2. I don't care what you think.
2. I don't care what you think.
Unfortunately for me, smoking weed is against the law. Even worse, more and more employers require a pre-employment drug screening. Not only do I find this intrusive, but completely un-American.
Luckily, some sympathetic fellow potheads out in Las Vegas introduced me to a sure fire way to pass any urine test.
At $75.00, Pass-It may be a little bit more expensive than those pills and drinks that flush your system, but it's guranteed to work and will pay for itself when you get your first check.
To verify the manufacturer's claims, I actually tried it out by taking a drug test at one of the serious-looking labs contracted by banks to screen their employees. I figured: If it works here, it'll work anywhere.
The Urine Trouble synthetic urine kit consists of a bag, which you fill with synthetic urine called Fake-It. (You can also use someone else's pee pee, but that's way too gross for me.) The fake urine is easy to mix and looks completely real. To get it in the bag, you use a syringe (included). The bag has a temperature strip on it to make sure it's the required 92 to100 degrees. They even throw in to hand warmers (used by athletes) which you can slide into your pocket to regulate the temp.
The bag lies flat against your thigh and is attached to your body by a string, which is also provided. A slender tube with a clip on the end extends from the bag. I'll have to admit, I was kinda spooked about using this thing, but after practicing with it on the night before, I was completly at ease.
When my big day arrived, I got a little nervous in the waiting room because it was so damn cold I thought my Fake-It would cool off. Note: I ditched the hand warmer in the car just in case they had me empty my pockets -- which they did.
After filling out the paperwork, I was to the bathroom with my little cup and instructed not to flush the toilet. I walked inside, unzipped my pants, pull the tube through my fly, unclipped the tube, filled the cup and let the rest stream into the toilet. Basically, the whole process took less than 30 seconds.
A couple of days later, I got the results:Negative.
I was impressed to say the least. There aren't many products that allow you to smoke a blunt right before you take a piss test and still come away clean.
Now that's theAmerican Dream... well ain't it?
-Blunted Child
